Ramblings...

I love sleep, I honestly do. But I have a bad habit of telling myself "I will have an early night tonight" and then keeping myself awake with blogging, caffeine and over thinking, a fatal combination for me! So you better get used to these "after 10pm insights into Molly's mind" because if sleep doesn't seem like an option then I'll turn to the second best thing, writing, tea and He is We.

Writing though, it's heaven, literally. My head is constantly buzzing with ideas for characters and story lines. If you ever want to make me happy just ask me to tell you a story, I am never short of stories and I love telling them. I hope to be a published writer one day, but to be honest that is just one of many highly ambitious dreams. I would also love to make films, work on radio and act. But first things first I am going to write professionally, I have promised myself that. Soon I'll post some of my work up here, maybe..

I've had more than my fair share of trying to fit into my own skin and failing, and writing is like a therapy, if I don't understand me I just become someone else. It's crazy to think that my biggest hobby could one day be a career. I do sometimes sound like a huge nerd, I promise, I'm not! But saying that.... I do get excited shivers down my spine when I come up with a good idea for a story and I cherish my signed books as if they were children but I AM NOT A NERD, I'm just passionate.

Enough about writing, for the moment that is. Dreams, aspirations, that's what's on my mind right this minute. As I sip my cold tea, sitting in my bedroom in the dark on my laptop I'm wondering where life will take me. Where will I be in a couple of years? In the same position I am in now? Or will I be doing something amazing? A couple of years is a long time, I could be anywhere. One thing I know for sure, or I'd like to think I know, is that I will NOT be in Scotland drinking freezing tea! Bigger places are calling my name, I adore Italy, Milan, although not the prettiest city, would be a great place to live. Not forever, just for for a little while. And then there's France, I love the French language and can seriously see myself living there sometime, but I wouldn't want to bring up a family there. For one reason only, the schooling is so strict and far harder than here in Britain. If the day comes that I have kids, I want them to be brought up in England, but until then I would like to travel. I'd also be really interested in doing a degree in English and French, I really will never be able to kill my love of languages!

Adventure. That's one thing my life lacks at the moment. When you're little you make your own adventures, you life was always full of games, we all had that naughty imaginary best friend who was the one who spilled mummy's perfume, drew a dog on the living room wall and tripped up William. You were friends with everyone and Halloween was the most exciting night of the year along with Christmas Eve, you believed in everything and everyone believed you were going to grow up to be amazing. Life was one big adventure, you were fascinated that you could get green by mixing blue and yellow paint. There was always a bigger bed to crawl into if your dreams got creepy or your duvet fell off and you didn't have the strength to pull it back on. But suddenly you wake up and realise that one day you're going to have to take on the big bad world all on your own and that scares you. But these days I wish that it would come quicker, I would love to be dropped off in a city and told to fend for myself, it sounds silly but I have well and truly out grown this little town. I am hungry for adventure, no, I'm STARVING! Give me a suitcase and a train ticket and I'll go in search of my dreams. I feel just how I felt in P7, I could not wait to move up to secondary, I can't wait to start my life, it's so exciting.

I have so many feelings, actually let me reword that, I have too many feelings. I'm so easily hurt, I'm too easily exited, I'm too often let down, I'm more often than not anxious, I fall too fast and too hard, I love too openly, I dislike too strongly, I'm broken so quickly, I'm far too impatient yet scared of going too fast, I sometimes feel so lost in my own head, it's so deep and too full.

Sometimes I hate myself yet act superior.

Sometimes I love myself yet act inferior.

I know I'm right but when I'm asked I say I'm wrong.

I'm over confident so I act shy.

When I'm feeling shy I put on a confident front.

I hide my talents and flaunt my flaws.

I bury my weak spots and sensitivities so I can't get hurt.

I smile when I feel like crying.

When I want to smile I forget how to.

But you know what, I love my life the way it is (:

And this is why I should just sleep at night...